“I can’t coach these fuckin’ pelicans,” says Boof.

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October 19. 13:45

Greg Salmon | Editor

Darren Lehmann has been announced as one of three new additions to the BBL commentary team this summer. Lehmann, along with Andrew Symonds and Brendon McCullum, will join an already star-studded lineup covering cricket’s fastest growing competition. “I’m fuckin’ stoked,” says Lehmann. “You’ve got us three, then Gilchrist, Ponting, Fleming and Mark Waugh in the same room. It’ll be a train wreck like the old days. We’ll make McCullum the driver.”

Lehmann received offers from Channel Nine and Network Ten, but opted for the latter. “Channel 9 is shithouse,” says Lehmann. “They’ve now got Warne, Clarke and KP commentating. It’s the Planet of the Egos. Although I’m just happy to get away from the national team.”

Lehmann’s displeasure towards his troops is well warranted, giving their recent canings in Sri Lanka and South Africa. “Coaching Australia is like coaching 11 Helen Kellers,” says Boof. “I told Moises Henriques to use his feet against the Sri Lankans. He fuckin’ didn’t did he? Then I told Scott Boland to stop bowling short in South Africa. What do you know – he tries to be the next Mitchell Johnson.”

Unfortunately for Lehmann, Network Ten have only signed him for two games. “I wanted to cover the entire competition, but James Sutherland wouldn’t have any of that. I’m just waiting for Jake to get the call up. That’s my ticket outta here.”