“Get me a Carling Black Label,” he yelled.


November 3. 17:30

Greg Salmon | Editor

A major incident has taken place this morning at a Perth hotel. Police were called to The Royal at approximately 10:30 am, following reports of an intoxicated Proteas supporter. As expected, it involved regular member Stephen Adams. “Stephen’s a great guy, he just gets choked up whenever South Africa plays,” explained manager Rob Harvey. “You should have seen him when they chased down 414. He became Brock Lesnar.”

According to Harvey, the hotel chef originally aggravated Mr. Adams. “Stephen was yelling, cook you cunt!,” laughs Rob. “Apparently he had a shit technique. Maybe he was cramped for room, I don’t know.” Then just as Stephen’s big brekky was being served, a key figure fell. “The fuckin’ hash brown fell off,”sighs Rob. “The hash makes or breaks any dish.”

Stephen’s morning continued to worsen, when he missed his dean’s dismissal. “I just caught my high school dean leaving the bar,” said an irate Adams. “I didn’t get to tell him how much of a cunt he was.” But the highlight of the session, was when the Johannesburg native wet his pants. “I just pissed in my fuckin’ jeans!” Stephen roared. “Call me JP cunts.”

Manager Rob Harvey finally decided to restore order. “I always call the police in difficult situations,” explains Mr. Harvey. “We have a strong partnership.”